Early this morning, which is when my best planning happens, I take direction from Spirit in my first thoughts. The words, “making your mark” floated up. I spent the time in quiet contemplation, making tea, watching the light change on the trees, looking at the moon through the frost on the window. Watching the moon dissolve in to the blue sky, I wondered how I make my mark. Then I wrote in my journal.
Later, I went through a patch of day, like slick black ice, where I considered that my desire to “make my mark” on the world was prideful and manipulative. The old words that haunt me, “getting too big for my britches” made my eyes sting.
This afternoon, I sat knitting, ear buds in my ears, talking to a friend on my phone. We spoke about this question of mine, whether it is prideful to think I make a mark, anywhere, on any one? Is this something I need to sacrifice? Does it even matter?
And then, in the way that happens when I talk to certain people, truth bells up to the surface, clearing the cluttered waters of my mind, I knew, and know that I trust the marks I make in the world, on my own soul and on the lives of the people I work with, the people I meet. I am here to make marks.
Otherwise, I glide through life as vacant space.
I am everything other than a vacant space.
My friend Jill taught me to trust the marks I make. My close friends mirror this back to me. My students send me notes. People who learn about my work reach out to me. I get notes like this one,
“Hi Suzi: I wanted to say how much I very much respect what you’re doing w/ the women in Armenia. It’s the unfoldment of great good.”
Do I work for that affirmation? No.
Do I work thinking that my mom, long dead, will think I fit my britches just right? Goddess bless her, no.
Do I believe that if I go about making marks all day long, something will come of it? Not at all.
What I believe is that the sacrifice I make every single day, the time I give to my creative practice in exchange for another set of hours on the planet, is worthy of my effort. It changes me, as they sing in Wicked, “for good.”
What am I willing to sacrifice in 2017? I am willing to sacrifice the nagging irritation that keeps me looking for worldly approval.
The legacy I leave are marks made by a woman who is very much alive to the beauty and drama in daily life, in ordinary lives, and in the natural world, in the bigger world, in the people I meet out beyond my skin.
And by sticking to my daily practice, I act on my own agency, responding with what rises forth within me, to internal and external events, but from the originating point of myself.
I cannot head in to the holiday season without huge gratitude for each of my readers here on Rising Forth. As the Solstice nears, I hope you can spend time outside, in whichever season you are in, to feel the earth’s turning.
That moon this morning, the way it melted in to daylight with such grace-I am going to keep that easy motion in my heart over the next days.
All my best,